Article Advise

submitted: Aug 13th 2008 | by: LisaCopen | Total views: 2 | Word Count: 665 | |

When your wife is chronically ill it can be hard for her to think "romance." She may be in a great deal of physical pain or also suffer from side effects of the illness or medications, such as weight gain or loss, a "puffy prednisone," or even feeling sick to her stomach. She may also be dealing with the loss of her career and dealing with grief.

Know that her lack of interest likely has nothing to do with your, but rather is just the result of being one of the 133 million people who deal with an illness. Sadly, seventy-five percent of marriages end in divorce when an illness is present.

So, how can you encourage her and maybe even get some of that romance back into your marriage? Here are some ideas to add some romance into your marriage.

Buy her food that she can eat without guilt--even if you have to hunt it down. Did you know chocolate contains phenyl ethylamine, a chemical that produces the feeling of "being in love"? Look at your pharmacy for Russell Stover's sugar free chocolate. Starbuck's just introduced a heavenly new drink, a sugar-free Cinnamon Dolce'. Now that's romantic!

Women with a chronic illness are the same as most women. They want their man to hold their hand. Give affection generously, but also carefully to not cause more pain. Rub her back, call her a pet name you haven't used in five years, and don't pressure her for more. Cuddle, snuggle, and cuddle some more like you will never let her go.

Pour out your heart about how much you admire the strength she shows in the darkest moments. Let her know you know that living with illness is difficult and that you are blessed to be married to someone with so much character and joy. Remind her that you love her and are in it "in sickness and in health."

Pamper her by purchasing her something that she wouldn't splurge on for herself. Let her know you are listening to her by purchasing a CD that she says has one of her favorite news songs on it. Buy her a down comforter for a cozier bed. Brainstorm about item that she could enjoy when she isn't feeling well.

Schedule a retreat for her at home. Find care for the kids, bring home dinner, and don't say anything when you come home at 6 p.m. and she's still in her pajamas.

Write her little love notes and hide them around the house. Or give her a romantic card and write in it, cover one whole panel with your own words.

Looking for a romantic dinner idea for staying home? Buy a fondue pot and commit to dipping something in it during candlelight one evening a week while you talk about the week.

Need conversation starters? Buy a game such as "To Know You ... Better" or buy a book. Just do a search on "book of questions" for dozens of options. There are still a million things you don't know about each other, and yes, talking does create intimacy.

Let her know that you know atmosphere is important. Send her in to take a bath and light some of the new flameless candles (you can go to sleep without worry). Make up a play list of her favorite romantic songs on your ipod. Get goofy and throw some rose petals around and see how she responds.

There is no perfect way to romance your wife because every woman is different and needing different things. So communication is the key. Ask, "What are your biggest concerns right now? How can I help you feel more loved?"

You don't have to be perfect. By making an effort to create some romance in the relationship, it will bring some romance to your marriage! If she sees you reading a book on marriage or romancing your wife, she may just toss the book aside and grab you. Whoever said the most romantic thing a man can do are the dishes understood women perfectly.

About the Author

Get a free list of 200 Ways to Encourage a Chronically Ill Friend from "Beyond Casseroles" by Lisa Copen, just signup for to HopeNotes invisible illness ezine at Rest Ministries. Lisa founded Invisible Illness Awareness

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