Love Before You Leap

In our Internet-driven culture, we are a society overwhelmed with information from Sex to Politics. Our sympathetic nervous system is flooded with multi-media, from the privacy of our homes to almost every other venue that we could possibly experience during our daily living.

Recently, while sitting in a doctors waiting room, another patient walked in and remarked. "Oh no...not him again", referring to a television news conference with Obama at the helm. Perhaps I have seen so much of Hillary and Obama lately, that I too had reached my satiation level for the week. I looked up from the magazine article I was reading, oblivious to the intrusive nature of the large 42inch plasma screen on the opposite wall of the waiting room's sterile environment.

I had opted to indulge myself in a magazine that peaked my interest instead, and had not noticed the mechanical drone of the monster T.V. Not of interest to me, however seemingly comforting to some, I was momentarily fascinated by the mere fact that I actually could "tune out" the blare of the commotion of the "excitement of the political machine in action".

Late that afternoon, it occurred to me that if we as human beings, can "tune out" much of what we are bombarded with via, electrical signals, machinery, techno-techniques, visual and sensory over-stimulation, than what other of our senses have we automatically "shut down" in order to cope with our fast-paced unpredictable world?

Of course due to the nature of my profession, the wheels are always turning, seems I am never without a book or journal in pocket. As a student of human nature and the behavioral sciences, we as psychotherapists don't just turn off our inquisitive minds once we achieve our highest level of degrees.

It is mandatory for me as a doctor, knowing the part I play in patient's lives, to be currently well read in the genre of Love , Sex and Relationship. Essentially always existing on the "virtual cusp" of why, what and how we LOVE in what sometimes seems like an "unlovable world"

So that we achieve a "successful outcome" in therapy, the information and knowledge that can be provided to the patient, known in this field as "bibliotherapy", is an essential component of therapy.

Simply defined; Information is knowledge, Knowledge is Power. If you are looking to empower yourself in a healthy, loving, sexual, and intimate relationship in today's world, you will need all the tools and tips for success that you can get !

This brings me to the issue of patients blocking out their emotionality at different levels. If we can block out the daily noise of life, then surely you can understand how easy it would be to accidentally block your emotions. This means, internalizing your frustrations, building up anger issues without venting, not utilizing fair-fighting skills, guarding your inner self and seeing yourself as a victim in many situations, not being understood, not getting the love that you think you deserve in your relationship.

If any of the aforementioned strikes a chord, this is the reality of more unions than you may think. Your case is hardly isolated or unique. How can we be in "touch with our inner selves" if we are not even fully present in the moment, not even aware of who we are or where we are in our environment, not to mention trying to repair a relationship that simply seems too far gone.

"Know thyself" and knowing thyself before falling in love is even more important than just knowing oneself. Therefore the metaphor "Love before you leap" comes to mind. How can we love and expect to be loved, if you don't love yourself. Becoming aware of who you are, where you are going, and then deciding who you are taking with you....is one of the most fertile adages I know. More times than not, the intervention of a trained professional can help a relationship that you may have thought did not stand a chance.

First things first. Don't try to fix everything at once. Simplify your own life. Then decide "Who is Writing Your Script" and who are the players in your script. Are you the director, who are your writers, your stage hands, etc. You and only you should be in control of your choices in life. Although "Choice" takes work and is not a simple process....understanding who you are and whom you choose to love is a great beginning to successful relationship. Choosing to know yourself first, before you either LOVE or LEAP into the 21st century of the many choices we are faced with, can help make your relationship fate one of fate or one of misery.

About the Author

Dr. Arlene Krieger, PHD is located in Boca Raton, Florida. You may call or email her office for a personal appointment and she is available to provide couples counseling worldwide via telephone. Dr. Arlene Krieger, PHD & America's 2nd Favorite Sexologist Can Be Found at

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