Useful Mindsets for Disarming Male Competition-I

Have you ever avoided talking to a woman just because she was talking to another guy?

Or maybe you saw a group of girls with one or two guys with them and you ASSUMED the guys were cooler than you so you avoided approaching because you feared embarrassment.

There are two reasons why guys have a fear in talking with women who were with other guys.

Most guys when they saw the girl being with another guy, they think it is her boyfriend.

This isn't a real reason to not talk to a woman, especially in a bar - it's a social setting where people meet other people. Plus - she's not his "slave" - she's a human being, not a piece of property, so she is free to talk to whomever she chooses.

Approaching oftenly a woman who is "with" a guy can make you look more confident, and draw out the jealous side of the guy, making him look insecure and weak.

The other reason points to a deep insecurity based on a simple misconception that's why they avoid talking to woman who is "with" a guy.

Guys assumed that the "other guy" is stronger, cooler, or somehow more powerful than they are. Men tend to be threatened by other men.

This comes from an ancient survival strategy that had been fixed into human brain.

In any given interaction, its often hard to tell who the more "dominant" person is. So when a male is confronted by another male, he doesn't know how dominant the other guy is. The social hierarchy is very subtle, and mostly unconscious.

As was probably common thousands of years ago, a guy doesn't know if he will be embarrassed verbally.

So it's smart to play it safe by assuming that the other guy is a threat. Males who were too bold may have won a few confrontations, but all it took was one loss to end up dead or exiled from the tribe.

And then their genes were taken out of the "game" so to speak.

So the guys who played it safe, and avoided confrontation usually lived long enough to reproduce and survive.

The irony is that most of approach anxiety nowadays have the basis on this hard-wired survival strategy - the false assumptions of the guys will lead them to unnecessarily avoid women.

The thing is, most times when you see a woman talking to another guy in the bar or club, she's not WITH him.

They JUST MET!

I can't tell you how many times I've approached a woman thinking she was "with" a guy, only to find out he was some random dude who just approached her. Or he was just a friend or relative.

I have regrets to those times that I've missed so many opportunities talking to a woman just because I saw her with another guy. And this brings me to my first point:

I SHOULDN'T ASSUME THEY ARE TOGETHER UNTIL I SEE A PHYSICAL EVIDENCE. I DON'T KNOW WHAT HE MEANS TO THE GIRL.

You'll never know until you find out. Just remember to be alert and respectful, because in the off chance they are together, the guy may be the insecure jealous type and start a physical confrontation.

So use your head - just don't limit your options by making false assumptions.

About the Author

Vin has something very interesting to say about VH1's Pick Up Artist Exposed show.

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