Child access during summer holidays

This is the time of year when divorced parents should settle on summertime access for their children. School and work can take a back seat during at least portions of the summer months as vacations and warm weather activities raise interesting possibilities. Usually it makes sense for our children to be with one parent most of the time and see the other parent on weekends or other scheduled access days. However, in the summer there should be more time available for the kids to spend with the parent they see less often through the year. Here are a few suggestions to keep in mind when figuring out the best summer access arrangements.

Nothing stays the same forever. Therefore, even if you have a court order or separation agreement that spells out in precise detail what summer access should look like, try to keep an open mind and be willing to take a fresh look at whether that schedule continues to serve the best interests of the children. Obviously as children grow older and other circumstances change a wise parent will take these changes into account rather than ritualistically following an outdated formula.

You probably know by now that, as long as you and your ex agree, you may change the terms of access set out in a court order or separation agreement. Of course, the order or agreement would remain in force in case there is no agreement but it is not meant to tie your hands and prevent you from making new arrangements that better fits the needs and circumstances of your children as they get older. If you do make a change to the access arrangement is a good idea to write a doubt that for both you and your ex to sign it. This helps to avoid any misunderstandings.

Do not forget to seek input from the children when making your plans for summer access. It should be a priority for the children to spend extra time with the parent they see less of during the rest of the year. However, this time can be even more valuable if the children are not required to give up other activities they wish to participate in in order to spend the extra time with that parent. The older the child is the more important it is for that child to have his or her own time and engage in activities here she is looking forward to. Look for ways to become involved in the child's activities rather than for the child to always have to fit into your activities.

Summer also presents opportunities for parents and children to participate together in various special events and activities such as summer holidays, family occasions, and special vacations. It is important for parents to work together to make it possible for the children to enjoy these events with the parent most closely associated to the event. If this is difficult to determine, perhaps one parent can take the kids this year and the other can take them next year. On the other hand, such events may make the relatively little time the children spend with the "access" parent even more meaningful. Some consideration should be given to making sure the children get to spend some of these special times with that parent.

It is important for the access parent to effectively use the extra time with the children to build, or rebuild strong relationships. This will probably mean adjusting your own way of doing things - turning off your cell phone, checking your e-mail less frequently, spending less time working, etc. When children are younger their happy if you can just find ways to involve them in whatever you are doing even if it is just some gardening, home repairs, or other things that we typically do not think of as interesting or fun. As the children get older they will want to be engaged in activities of their own and your involvement may be limited to showing an interest in what they have been doing, watching them at play and encouraging them. If you can find something that they are interested in that you are either good at or equally interested in than you have struck gold.

The most important thing to remember is that the children are best served by parents who are flexible and willing to cooperate with each other rather than those who are confrontational and rigid. Whether or not parents had separated they still need to negotiate with each other and make compromises when planning summer activities with the children. Close relationships can be maintained best when everyone's needs and interests are respected.

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