Article Advise

submitted: Jun 6th 2008 | by: BenjaminWise | Total views: 2 | Word Count: 533 | |

For some people, breaking up with their partner is an unacceptable fate. As such, they immediately set out to get their ex back. If you want to rekindle a relationship that has gone sour, there are several steps you can take to help make achieving this goal a little more likely, regardless of the circumstance or situation of the break up.

Right now you may not know what to do and feel completely lost. This is understandable, but the last thing we want to do - which I think you would agree with, is acting out of confusion.

This may sound easier said than done, but it's not impossible. It's all a question of perspective. Instead of looking back on the relationship or the break-up from the point of view of what your ex did wrong, think also of mistakes you may have made. Nobody is perfect, and more often than not it takes two to end a relationship.

The first fundamental begins with responsibility. The key to any healthy relationship is balance. Two people who care deeply about one another do not become dependent on the other but interdependent. They are there for one another and really respect one another. In terms of interdependence each individual takes responsibility for their actions. The first problem when relationship breaks down is that we start to not take responsibility for our actions.

This means accepting the blame, and letting your ex know that you're prepared to own up to your part of the break up. What this does not mean, however, is rationalizing your actions to be the other person's fault. In other words, don't say, "I did these things but it was because of you." This isn't an apology, it's an accusation and can only serve to anger your ex or put them in a position of being defensive, not receptive to the prospect of a reconciliation.

Responsibility comes with maturity, those who are mature are responsible people, they know that what they do can effect others and as a result they are thoughtful. By you taking responsibility you will reflect that you are mature enough to face the challenge and as we all know, immaturity is fine for a short period of time but over the long haul it becomes a pain in the neck.

That means taking some time out for yourself and reflecting on the issues your ex may have pointed out to you. Do you think they are things you can improve? Are they asking you change a habit or pattern, or are they asking you to change who you are?

Lastly, take this time to consider why, exactly, you want your ex back so badly. Is it really because this is a person you want to share your life with, or is it simply that you don't remember how to be without them anymore? Even if you have just gotten out of a long relationship, chances are you haven't been with that person your whole life. There was a time when you did alright without them. Take the time to consider whether this person is an integral, important part of your life now or if you can possibly build a new life without them in it.

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