Article Advise

submitted: Aug 1st 2008 | by: AlexArcher | Total views: 1 | Word Count: 598 | |

The initial emotional responses to learning of a spousal extramarital affair can be all-engulfing. Naturally, you are the last one to learn about it. And now you know. Everything your life has been based on for years is now in question. You feel you can't possibly go on together now that pain, sorrow, and anger are overwhelming you. You ask yourself endlessly why the person you married out of love doesn't feel the same emotions regarding your marriage as you still feel despite the passage of time. But perhaps it doesn't have to mean the ending of your marriage.

So are their reasons to stay married after an affair? Yes, there are. Have you ever looked at another person and lusted? Have you ever thought about what it would be like to be with another lover? Maybe you have unintentionally flirted with one of those people. The point is, we are all human. We make mistakes, but we learn from those mistakes.

One reason to remain together after an affair is that working through difficulties causes both individuals to grow, together and separately. The strengths that can be garnered from working past an affair together are innumerable. It's not the good times that make a relationship strong, it has to do more with the ability to handle issues, pitfalls, and even seeming disasters together that serves to cement and reinforce the relationship and build up the marriage. Why not an affair as well?

Whether you are the one who strayed or your partner, if you have the strength to build your marriage up after this, it will be stronger than ever. If the partner who had an affair is truly regretful of what they did, the marriage can survive.

In trying to determine whether or not to end an affair, a good place to begin is asking oneself why they began the affair in the first place. What emotions encompassed the beginning of the affair? Do you feel guilty, and if so, why did you feel this guilt? There could be any number of reasons, including not wanting to end your marriage, not wanting to hurt your spouse, or perhaps, because you really do love your partner. Together, you have been building a marriage and a life.

Granted, marriage is not forever filled with newness and excitement. Over time, no one knows you better than your spouse. Right now you are enjoying the intrigue and the danger of having this affair. But what happens later? As occurred in your marriage, with time, the sensation of newness and mystery fades into something more familiar. And when the feelings in the affair fade, as they will surely do, the thrill of it all will be ended as well. It is then that your spouse will be someone you want in your corner, the person who love. Act now, not when it is too late.

Probably the best reason to stop the affair now is that you love your spouse still, after years and years together. In good times and bad, with all your idiocyncrasies, they have remained steadfastly with you. They love you and you still love them. Now is the time to end this affair. Not tomorrow, not next week. Now.

If you both have the strength and endurance to get past the affair, then you will survive. Your love for each other will grow deeper. You married each other for a reason and that is why you will stay married.

About the Author

Infidelity creates a pain like no other. At the Affair Recovery Center we know from experience. We can help you cope with infidelity. Don't suffer another day. Start your recovery from infidelity right now.

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